Ten Prohibited Phrases to Avoid When Speaking with an Elderly Individual (Alternative Expressions suggested)
In our interactions with older adults, it's essential to be mindful of the words we use and the attitudes we convey. Here are some key points to consider:
- Avoid defining someone by their age or health issues: Constantly asking about health can make the person feel defined by their age or health issues, rather than their experiences, accomplishments, and personality.
- Respect their independence: Offering help without asking can make the person feel as though their independence is being taken away. Instead, ask if they need assistance and give them the choice.
- Make conversations interesting: Talking about books, shows, family, hobbies, and other topics instead of just health can make conversations more engaging and enjoyable.
- Use empowering words: The words you use can either build up or wear down the person. Strive to make them feel strong, smart, and seen. Compliments like "You have such great energy" or "You seem so full of life" are more appropriate than comments that focus on their age, such as "You don't look your age."
- Avoid problematic phrases: Phrases like "dirty old man," "second childhood," and "you don't look your age" are best avoided, as they reflect and reinforce negative stereotypes about older people.
These phrases are examples of benevolent prejudice, where older adults are viewed as friendly but incapable, leading to marginalization and patronizing attitudes. Even seemingly positive remarks like "you don't look your age" can imply that growing older is undesirable or that appearance should mask aging, which can undermine the dignity of older individuals.
- Promote an inclusive society: Avoiding these phrases is important because they contribute to ageism—discrimination based on age—which often stems from fears of death and disability and results in exclusion and stereotyping of older adults. Speaking respectfully and without relying on stereotypes helps promote a more inclusive and respectful society.
- Listen and observe: When interacting with older adults, listen more than you talk, pay attention to what lights them up and what shuts them down. Remember, aging isn't a bad thing, it's a natural part of life. Older adults want to be treated with kindness, thoughtfulness, and respect, not pity or as if they need to be babied.
- Encourage growth and curiosity: Phrases like "It's Too Late for That Now" discourage growth and curiosity, regardless of age. Before speaking, ask yourself if the statement would be appropriate for someone of any age, if it sounds like you're doubting their ability, or if you're assuming something based on their age. Encourage their interests and aspirations, whether they're young at heart or have many years of life experience.
By adopting these practices, we can foster more respectful and inclusive conversations with older adults, promoting a society where everyone feels valued and respected, regardless of their age.
[1] Barrett, F. S., & Schwartz, B. (2013). Ageism. In Encyclopaedia of Ageing and the Life Course (pp. 26-33). Springer, Dordrecht. [5] Palmore, E. R. (2001). Ageism: Stereotyping and Prejudice against Older Persons. In S. L. Katz & N. J. Neusner (Eds.), Encyclopaedia of the Bible and Its Reception (Vol. 13, pp. 157-163). de Gruyter.
In the context of health-and-wellness and mental-health discussions, it's crucial to consider the impact of prejudice towards aging, known as ageism. This disorderly behavior, as presented in sources like Barrett and Schwartz (2013) and Palmore (2001), propagates distressing stereotypes about older adults, potentially leading to their marginalization.
To create a more inclusive, age-sensitive society, one should embrace growth and curiosity, affirming the subjectivity of older adults by avoiding phrases like "It's Too Late for That Now," and instead, encouraging their interests and aspirations, fostering a society where persons of all ages feel valued and respected.
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