Strategies for Praising People Who Resist Flattery
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Have you ever noticed that many women have a hard time accepting a compliment? This issue is not unique to women, but it's a common occurrence that can be traced back to societal norms and personal beliefs. In this article, we delve into the reasons behind this phenomenon and provide tips on how to give compliments to people who don't usually accept them.
According to Dr. Kim Chronister, a Licensed Clinical Psychologist specializing in helping people struggling with substance abuse, relationship problems, eating disorders, and personality disorders, some women are taught that they should avoid saying or accepting positive things about themselves because it may make others feel less good by comparison. This, combined with the pressure to meet impossible beauty standards, can lead to a reluctance to accept compliments.
People with low self-esteem may also react poorly to compliments because it contradicts their negative self-image, making it difficult for them to believe that the compliments are true.
So, how can you give a compliment to someone who consistently deflects them? Here are some tips:
- Keep it simple and sincere. Start by just saying "thank you" and avoid engaging in their deflection or debate.
- Be genuine. Genuine compliments are more likely to be accepted. Make sure your compliment is sincere and specific.
- Give them a little encouragement. A simple, "I appreciate the effort you put in" or "It really stands out" can go a long way.
- Ask what's up if the person deflects or rejects praise regularly. This can help you understand their discomfort and provide support.
- Quit trash talking oneself and others. Avoid comparing or criticizing yourself or others. This can help create a more positive environment for giving and receiving compliments.
- Give compliments indirectly. Reframing the compliment to make it about the giver's feelings can help the recipient feel less pressured to accept it fully.
- Model calm acceptance. If deflection comes from discomfort or low self-esteem, simply modeling calm acceptance of their qualities can gently reinforce that it's okay to receive praise without feeling the need to minimize it.
It's important to note that the norms surrounding compliments are different in various cultures. In some cultures, it's considered rude to accept compliments, and it may even be rude to offer them. Always be mindful of cultural differences and adjust your approach accordingly.
This article has been co-authored by Dr. Kim Chronister, PsyD, and has been viewed 238,072 times. For more insights and tips on mental health, be sure to check out Dr. Chronister's work.
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