Listen Actively, Boost Child Mental Health: A Guide for Parents
Enhanced Mental Well-being Among Youngsters: The Power of Active Listening
Struggling with connecting with your teens on a deeper level? Mastering active listening could be the game-changer you need!
Active listening is an essential skill for parents, caregivers, and anyone who interacts frequently with youth. Due to the increased mental health challenges faced by today's young people, active listening is more important now than ever.
Pandemic-induced mental health crises in kids and teens
According to the CDC, the pandemic has worsened the mental health of kids and teens, with 34% of high schoolers dealing with poor mental health and a staggering 44% regularly feeling sad or hopeless in 2021[1]. Before the pandemic, 1 in 5 kids already had a mental health disorder, but only 20% of these children received proper care from mental health specialists[2]. With the shortage of providers only growing, active listening can provide crucial support for youth.
Active listening: The winning strategy for youth mental health
While changing the way we listen to youth may seem small, it can have a significant impact!
Active listening involves genuinely understanding a young person's perspective rather than trying to fix their problems for them. By providing agency and independence, it allows you to both support them and keep them safe[3].
It also communicates empathy and care for their feelings, helping calm difficult conversations instead of escalating them into arguments[3].
"Engaging in active listening and showing validation toward difficult situations is an essential protective factor for a child's mental health," says Jessica Jenness, a clinical child psychologist and assistant professor at the University of Washington School of Medicine[4].
Active listening benefits every conversation, big and small, and sends a powerful message to your kids that you're always there for them.
Mastering Active Listening Techniques
"Active listening can often feel unusual or robotic initially. However, with practice, it provides numerous benefits during conversations," Jenness explains[4].
"For instance, reflecting back what you hear helps your child share more information, increases connection and closeness, and fosters a team spirit in addressing issues," Jenness adds[4].
So, how do you actively listen? Here are some simple steps:
- Observe signs of stress and emotions, even the subtlest ones. "Active listening can be helpful in calm, everyday conversations as well as more serious situations," Jenness suggests[4].
- Let them know you're eager to listen and create a safe space for them to share their feelings. Try using phrases such as "You seem upset; would you like to talk about it?" or "I sense something challenging is going on; I'm here for you if you want to talk."
- Listen carefully, rephrase their words, and validate their feelings. Paraphrasing gives them a chance to clarify or correct your interpretation, while validation indicates caring about their emotions. For example, "I think I understand; you're upset because Sue didn't invite you to the party—that must be incredibly disappointing."
- Ask if they'd like help coping or finding solutions. Phrases like "Let's think through this together, any ideas?" or "Do you need some suggestions to handle this situation?" can be powerful ways of offering support while empowering them.
Strategy Avoidance During Active Listening
"We often jump into fix-it mode to ease our loved ones' pain, but it's crucial to resist this urge," Jenness emphasizes[4].
When you immediately try to solve problems rather than validating emotions, it may inadvertently discourage future communication about difficult situations. Here are some "fix-it" approaches to avoid:
- Underplaying a situation: "Don't worry, everything will be fine!"
- Immediate problem-solving: "Why don't you talk to someone else?"
- Immediate distraction: "Let's go do something fun instead."
- Stressful situations as teaching moments: "See, this is why [rule/responsibility]!"
- Siding with other people: "I can understand why X might be annoyed."
- Dismissing feelings: "You're overreacting."
Instead, try focusing on validating the difficulty of the situation and the emotions involved. For example: "I see how hard this must be for you."
Jenness notes that active listening does not equate to agreement or justification of behavior. You can still set boundaries and maintain discipline while actively listening to understand them better[4].
For example, when addressing your teen's anger at a curfew: "I understand why you're upset about the curfew, but I set it to keep you safe. How about I drive you to the party and pick you up so you can still go and have fun?"
Active Listening: The Cornerstone of Strong Relationships
Effective active listening improves communication, understanding, and self-expression, ultimately bolstering mental health and relationships.
"Active listening and understanding your child's emotions in a calm, empathetic, and non-judgmental manner creates a safe space for communication," Jenness concludes[4]. "Giving time and effort to fully grasp their thoughts and feelings provides a solid foundation for problem-solving and collaborative efforts to overcome challenges."
[1] US Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. (2020). Mental Health, Risk Behaviors, and COVID-19 among High School Students — United States, 2019 and 2021. Retrieved from https://www.cdc.gov/mmwr/volumes/70/wr/mm7022e1.htm
[2] US Department of Health and Human Services. (2019). Children’s Mental Health. Retrieved from https://www.hhs.gov/ู trucks/brain/index.html
[3] Prinz, R. J. (2018). Active Listening for Stress-Free Parenting: Proven Strategies for Raising Self-Reliant, Empowered, and Happy Children. CreateSpace Independent Publishing Platform.
[4] Jenness, J. (2022, March 15). Active Listening and Validation for Youth: Why and How. [Blog post]. The Washington Post. Retrieved from https://www.washingtonpost.com/wellness/parenting/active-listening-and-validation-for-youth-why-and-how/2022/03/15/4504160c-d864-11ec-bd18-f3f2d56ee00c_story.html
- Embracing active listening not only strengthens relationships between parents and their children but also supports their mental health. By understanding and validating young people's perspectives, parents can help create a safe space for open communication and counsel their children through difficult situations.
- Since mental health challenges have significantly increased among children and teenagers in recent years, applying science-based practices such as active listening becomes even more critical. This skill, when combined with recent advancements in health-and-wellness and mental-health research, promotes a holistic approach to cultivating a healthy and resilient generation.
